My writing friend Allen Moore posted an entry in our “2004 Literary Boot Camp” forum in which he mentioned that most slush pile screeners look for the “first sign” of average writing. Understandably, that caught my attention and got me thinking.
I decided that I like the metaphor of “signs” of mediocre writing. (I like “mediocre” instead of “average” — the root of mediocre is the same as for medium … a middle value which accords with the arithmetic meaning of average — but in any case the idea is writing that is less than excellent.) As a slush reader, I see these signs over and over again.
So I told Allen and the Boot Camp gang that I actually look for the second sign of mediocre writing, and sometimes the third, rather than just the first. But I’m still young and naive as slush readers go, and old pros would probably chide me for reading any more than I have to.
So what are the signs of mediocre writing? This theory is still new, but so far this is what I’ve got:
The first sign is actually more a sign of terrible writing than of mediocre writing. It usually shows up within a page or two of a novel, and it’s a big flashy powered billboard that says, “I can’t complete a coherent sentence in the English language.” Manuscripts that display this sign are easy to evaluate. Note that this isn’t a question of the occasional misplaced comma or misspelled word; it’s an issue of basic coherence, the inability to transmit a comprehensible thought.
The second sign is more like a yard sale sign or a political sign stuck in the front yard; it comes a little later in the manuscript, but sometimes within the first chapter. This sign says, “I’m not sure what story I want to tell, and I don’t want to think deeply or do any research to make my writing believable, so I’m going to toss in a whole bunch of extraneous stuff and hope you like some of it.” These manuscripts are pretty easy to evaluate, too — especially if the extraneous stuff is more interesting than the central story. (Another, similar sign that I sometimes see says, “I didn’t bother to check to see if you publish this kind of story.” Those manuscripts are also easy to evaluate.)
The third sign of mediocre writing is smaller still, and harder to read without getting close to it. It might show up by the end of the first chapter, but often it stays hidden through a couple of chapters — and sometimes a writer will keep it hidden until a third or halfway through the book. This sign says, “I like what I’m writing and I hope you do, too. I have no idea that my characters seem a little flat; or, I’m not aware that my story arc is too derivative; or, I don’t know if you already looked at three other novels based on this same idea; or, I don’t realize that this scene is simply unbelievable; or, I’m ignorant of the fact that I just contradicted something I wrote fifty pages ago.” (Now you see why this stupid sign is so bloody hard to read: the writing is terrifically small.) These manuscripts are the hardest to evaluate, because sometimes they could be fixed with a little extra work; unfortunately, publishers generally don’t have time to help new writers fix all the problems to produce a marketable book.
So those are the signs I’ve found so far. I’m interested in other signs or variations on these, if anyone else has any to contribute.
As for me, that third sign is the one I’m trying hardest to eliminate in my own writing … although I know I still have the second sign up in some places. I’m trying to knock that one down, too, because any sign that my writing is less than excellent means my manuscript won’t get noticed.
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